Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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