hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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