I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
