The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize