she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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