Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
