I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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