im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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