Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
