please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
