Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
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It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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