do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
