Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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