the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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