Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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