You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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