naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize