I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
