she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
