At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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