My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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