This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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