You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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