Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
