Sry I called you an 8
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
