How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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