On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
