dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
