Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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