You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
