i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
