bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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