the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
