Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Randomize
