scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
