I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
not ubering you a puppy
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
