just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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