Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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