Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Randomize
