I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
