I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
