Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We are all done wearing pants today
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
