I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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