ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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