just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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