I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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