Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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