but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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