Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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