I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
wrigley field is MILF paradise
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Randomize
