I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
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Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
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You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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