I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
