turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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