Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
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Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
