Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
