The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
