I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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