So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Randomize
