I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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