why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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