its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
