Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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