i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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