i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
