I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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