Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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