What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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