We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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