Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just blew my weed a kiss
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
