i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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