I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
