look no pants
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
