I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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