Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
