Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
