i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
