i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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