Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
