and she was petting her beer can
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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