i need an iv and a liver transplant
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Boobs speak an international language.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
